At one point in my life, I shut down because I realized that I had become the one that everyone relied on and called but when I needed someone, no one was there but God.
In my journey to maturing in love, I found myself always being needed instead of wanted by the people that mattered to me the most in my life.
Whether it was family, friends, relationships, my job, or even ministry, I was called to do favors, duties, or various tasks but at the end of the day, they didn’t care for my well-being.
Ultimately, it would be nice to be wanted and accepted for who you are and not for what you have or what you can provide.
You see, there is a difference between being needed and wanted. Being needed has an expiration date while wanting someone becomes more of a desire that may last a long time. And, I could have said no to those who needed me.
After all, I am not obligated to anyone or their demands but there was something in me that always wanted to help others.
I get no gratification to be needed by others but I like to help others which if not monitored, could cause me to neglect myself and not receive the love that I deserve.
In the book of Genesis, Leah was needed more than wanted. She found herself caught in a love triangle between her sister and her father’s nephew, Jacob.
Laban, Leah’s dad, promised Jacob that if he served him for seven years then Jacob could marry Laban’s youngest daughter, Rachel.
Well, you would guess that Laban did not go through with his part of the deal. On his wedding night, Jacob was given Leah.
Now, Leah was the one who helped around the house. She cooked, cleaned, and made sure the house was kept together. She was needed for what she could provide.
However, her sister, Rachel, was wanted and more desired. Rachel didn’t have to do anything special but her beauty surpassed everything.
Yet, Leah kept having Jacob’s babies hoping to get his attention and somehow be wanted by him. However, Rachel had his heart.
Like Leah, it’s tough when you’re needed for only what you can do and not who you are. Imagine being married to a man who only loves you for your cooking, the way you fold his clothes, and organize his office.
Or, being a part of the church’s praise team, and they only call you to lead a song.
Maybe you have a friend who calls you when they need to borrow money, but is never available when you need them. This need suggest that your importance is based on what you can do rather than who you are.
Fortunately, Leah later stopped seeking affirmation from Jacob and discovered her self-worth.
You can’t wait for people to give you what they don’t have. Life is too short to be wasting time but you need to know that you are worth everything to God.
David said, “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” (Psalm 139: 13-14)
In knowing your worth, then you are able to identify those who want you rather than just need you. You are more valuable than what you are able to provide to anyone.