There are times in your life when you just ain’t ready. You may think you’re ready, but the reality is you ain’t. This could be in business, in relationships, in Him, as a mom, a wife, or a friend.
And the reason why I say this is because in most cases we are not considering, nor preparing, nor praying for the weight of the blessing that comes when the promise is fulfilled.
I just knew I was ready to be a mom. And even though I did not grow up around babies nor did I have much experience with them, I was ready. See my husband and I had been trying for years to get pregnant and couldn’t.
The first time I found out, we had been married for five years and was elated. I was finally going to be a mom and was able to give my husband something he truly desired –a child.
Unfortunately, no one told us the rule of waiting until after the first trimester before you tell anyone. We told everyone, and I mean EVERYONE.
But within one week of finding out, we had to go back and recant the “good news” because we lost the baby. Now that was hard. I had finally become pregnant and within one week lost the baby right at Mother’s Day.
I was hurt, angry, confused, furious with God, felt like a failure and less than a woman. This was one of the hardest moments of my life.
I just couldn’t understand how I could serve a God that would allow something like that to happen to me.
“Why would you tease me like that Father? What type of God are you! Why would you allow me to get pregnant and then take the baby away? You know how much we wanted a baby and here it is, there are other women who don’t even want children and are popping them out left and right! Why God, Why!”
These were things I yelled at the Father through my sobbing, screaming, disappointment, hurt, pain, and feelings of being inadequate.
I so yearned for a child so I could be “complete” as a mother and to give my husband a baby to complete our family.
In my darkest moment, I learned that losing the child wasn’t for me, but for those who would have to endure the same pain and needed a light in the midst of the darkness. Not to long after my loss, I was able to help others who were going through the same thing and watched how I handled the loss.
I didn’t even know they were watching but that’s why it’s important to praise the Father no matter what you are going through. Your test and trial will be someone else’s triumph.
Four years later and I’m pregnant again. At this point, it has been nine years married and no children.
Then the opportunity finally came again to become a mom. This time we didn’t tell anyone that we were expecting and just prayed that we would make it. Well, how many of you know that your faith will always be tested.
At the three-month mark, I had to rush to the hospital because I thought I was having a miscarriage again.
I had a real conversation with the Father that day while I laid in the exam room, cold, scared and waiting to find out what was going on.
I told Him, “God, either I can or I can’t have a baby, but I can’t go through this again.”
So many thoughts were running through my mind at that moment. What if I lose the baby again? How will I bounce back? What if I could never have children?
By the grace and mercy of the Father, we did not lose our precious gift. I wish I could tell you it ended there but it didn’t. Getting her here was a journey as well and after she was here, I became bitter, and resentful.
My whole life changed and I was not ready. No book could prepare me for motherhood and no book ever will. I was so exhausted and was battling depression that I couldn’t enjoy the happy moments that were taking place and the endless days and nights that were flying by.
My wakeup call came when I realized that God answered my prayer and gave me a child.
However, I didn’t count the cost of the blessing – what it was going to take to love and nurture that child; what I would have to sacrifice; how I was going to be challenged and stretched; the emotional and mental strength I would need to endure.
So, remember as you are praying for the blessing, also pray for strength, wisdom, patience, and endurance for the weight of the glory that will come with the answered prayer.
